November 20th 2022
On January 17th 2020, I auditioned for Hubbard Street Dance Chicago's Professional Program.
Hubbard Street Dance Chicago is one of the best contemporary dance companies in the United States. Hubbard Street was home to the beautiful state of the art Lou Conte Dance Studio before Covid forced them to close their doors in March of 2020. It has served as a gem in the performing arts community since 1977 where Lou Conte served as the Artistic Director for twenty-three years. He built relationships with great names such as: Jiri Kylian, Twyla Tharp, Margo Sappington, Lynne Taylor-Corbett, and Daniel Ezralow. Jim Vincent took over in 2000 and created the "Inside/Out" Choreography Workshop where he gave the company members opportunities to choreograph on their peers.
I admire him greatly for that.
Many dance companies have adopted this idea since and it continues to serve as an opportunity for many professional dancers who want to explore the art of choreography! Vincent also established the Choreographic Fellowship which nurtures and establishes emerging choreographers from within the company itself. He brought in choreographers such as: Alejandro Cerrudo, Robyn Mineko Williams, and Penny Saunders who have choreographed many works for Hubbard Street. Glenn Edgerton (who was associate artistic director at the time) assumed the position as Artistic Director in 2009. He continued to bring in amazing choreographers such as Crystal Pite, Dwight Rhoden, and Alonzo King.
Now, I did not meet Glenn until January 18th of 2020.
It was the beginning of our second semester/winter term at Wright State University. It was half way through my junior year as a B.F.A. Dance major, and I had just gotten back from Christmas break. I was just shy of my twenty-first birthday when a few friends and I decided to make the trip to Chicago to audition for Hubbard Street's Professional Program. We had all asked members of the faculty to write us letters of support to take with us to the audition. The weekend was exhausting to say the least, but it serves as one of my favorite memories from college. The majority of the first day was spent traveling, but we ended up being able to relax for a few hours before the audition. For whatever reason, we decided to walk to the studio in the middle of a snow storm. It could have been the sleep deprivation or not wanting to deal with the parking situation, but for whatever reason, we decided to walk.
I remember entering the building and walking up the stairs to where we would put our bags and goosebumps went up my arms. It really is amazing how much a safe space can affect you. I was nervous, but I was also very much at peace. I knew that I had put in the work to be there that day. When you walked into the studio, there were probably about 50-70 dancers auditioning for maybe 8-10 slots. There was a big white table pushed up against the mirrors and behind the table sat Alexandra Wells (the head of the professional division) and Glenn Edgerton himself. The audition was going to take place in two parts. The first half was just a regular contemporary ballet class to see where we were technically. They would then take a break to decide who they wanted to come back and learn company repertoire. The second half would be learning a work that the main company of Hubbard Street had performed to see if we were physically and mentally capable of keeping up with their style.
The artistic liaison, Jojo, was the one that taught our audition class that evening. Before he even started teaching, both Alexandra and Glenn said a few words to us. They made sure to address the nervous energy in the room and told us to be our genuine and authentic selves. They said they wanted to see potential, not perfection.
That really stuck with me.
They said that each one of us had something unique to bring to the table and that they were just there to help guide us the best that they can.
Now, when you go into most professional auditions, the directors usually don't say much of anything. They glance at your resume, see if they recognize any names, look at your picture, take your $40 registration fee, watch you dance, and continue to look through a dozen papers just like yours. As a young dancer, it was nice to have the reassurance that they understood that we were both a human and a student. As a dancer, the idea of being perfect is something that we all deal with. However, they addressed the stigma and put our minds at ease. I appreciated that with every fiber in my body.
The class itself was magical. The way that Jojo taught, the atmosphere in the room that they created for us, the jokes they made, the talent that was displayed, and the passion that we all had...it was all so sacred. Now, I can be 110% completely honest when I say that I did not feel like it was my best class. Nothing went horribly wrong, but I just did not feel like I did my best. They sent us out into the hallway to wait while they deliberated about who was going to make it to the second half of the audition, and who was going to be cut. After about 15 minutes, they came out and called a list of numbers. Mine was not one of them.
Yeah, it sucked. It was slightly harder than normal because my very good friend was picked to attend the second half of the audition. My adrenaline was still kicking in, so I couldn't help but be anxious and excited for him. They said one last thing to us before the second half of the audition. They told us that if we came back to audition for the Summer Intensive portion of the audition the next morning, they would still consider us for their Professional Division. We went back to the hotel that night and celebrated my good friends win.
(I learn every day that it is important to celebrate your accomplishments no matter how big or how small).
I made up my mind that night that I wanted to go back and audition for the Summer Intensive with the slight possibility that they would reconsider me.
And I did that very thing.
I showed up bright and early the next morning to see if I could redeem myself. I went in with my head held high and everything to offer the world. The class was very similar to the one he taught the night before, and the same speech was given before the class even started. I felt good about the class, my performance, and I was proud of going back to give it my all. After the class, they had us stand in a big circle. Glenn stood up and asked each of us to take turns improving around the circle. Improvisation is exactly what it sounds like. Nothing is planned. It is all performed based on each dancer as an individual and impulse. It requires you to think on your feet. As a choreographer, improv is your best friend, and over the years, I had grown to love it. They gave each of us about 30 second to go into the middle of the circle and dance for the directors and our peers. After each one of us went, they changed the music. Some of it was rap, pop, instrumental, strings, abstract, opera, and basically anything else they could have thought of. They wanted to see how each of us moved as a individual. I had never been to any other audition that allowed us to do that. It was something I will never forget.
I remember them dismissing us to go into the hallway and I was more than content with how I did. I remember telling myself that whatever happens was meant to be (even if things didn't end up going the way I wanted them to). I was happy with what I presented them with and I knew that the rest of it was up to them. However, I knew that I had given it my all and that was most important to me. If they didn't pick me, then it just wasn't meant to be. Just like the night before, about fifteen minutes later, they came out with a list of numbers. I waited patiently to hear mine, but to my dismay, my number was not called.
I remember feeling so thankful for the experience as I got my things together and texted my friend to come and pick me up. I had put on my sweater and was walking out of the building when I heard
"Excuse me, miss?"
I almost didn’t turn around not realizing that they were talking to me. I slowly turned around to find myself met with Glenn Edgerton himself. I remember thinking to myself that this could not be happening. There was no way that the director of Hubbard Street had followed me all the way to the front door. I was too shocked to do anything other than wait patiently for him to ask his question. He continued to say
"Are you number 546?"
All I could do in that moment was look down to see that yes, I indeed was number 546.
I remember looking back up at him and slowly nodding my head up and down. I thought he was going to ask me to give back the audition number that I almost walked out with, but nothing prepared me for what he actually said.
"You are supposed to be upstairs learning Crystal Pite rep. I am so happy we caught you in time. I know some people really wanted to look at you, myself included. Please follow me."
I finally found the courage to speak in that moment, but all I could manage was a faint but powerful
"Yes sir."
Will he remember that this encounter even occurred? Absolutely not. Will I ever forget? Never.
I quickly followed Glenn back upstairs while texting my friend that I was indeed called back and that I would be a bit longer than anticipated. I went back into the studio and learned a part of Crystal Pite's Grace Engines. To this day, it remains one of the most difficult pieces that I have ever had the honor of performing. She is one of my favorite choreographers, so I was on cloud 9 dancing something that she created. I felt like I did well with it and I had even more fun being able to dance in such a beautiful and inspiring atmosphere. After the audition was over, we were driving back to Wright State and I remember telling my friend that I seriously did not hear my number being called. Maybe I had just psyched myself out, but I am 99.9% sure that my number was not called. It remains a great mystery, but that weekend will always hold a special place in my heart.
Not even two months later, the world shut down due to Covid-19, and the performing arts world was put to a stop. Opportunities were by passed and jobs were lost thanks to an awful disease that took the world by storm. Many wonderful things came to light during those dark months, but many dreams were ultimately put to a halt. It took me months upon months to stop being angry with the world about taking away opportunities. Ultimately, I did not go back to college to finish my senior year because of the pandemic. I gave up two summer training opportunities with North West Dance Project and Hubbard Street Dance Chicago. So many things happened that I wish would have turned out differently. I know I am not the only one. It happened to so many others as well.
However, so many blessings have emerged because of it. I would not change my life for anything. Life teaches you hard lessons in order for you to rise to the occasion. One must fall in order to learn how to get back up again. I tell my students that story to make the point "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." My grandma use to tell me that all the time growing up, and I would like to think I got a lot of my determination from her. It is so important to continue to nurture the next generation of dancers. It is important that we are constantly looking for ways to be better teachers, mentors, and choreographers. Any teacher is a pivotal person in a child's life. I still remember all of my teachers and the lessons I learned from every single one of them. I am so blessed to have experienced these things so I can better help my students be prepared for what is yet to come. With audition season right around the corner, I wanted to share one of my most memorable moments from the biggest one in my college career.
"I'd like to think art's purpose is to open channels to the humane. I think thats what art is meant to do." - Crystal Pite
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